Tag Archives: spider

I Nearly Peed in My Pants

People often wonder if it’s possible that one gets such a fright that the shock brings on a heart attack. After what I experienced yesterday, I would say yes.

What I faced gave me such a shock my heart jumped into my throat, my heart rate jumped from 75 beats a minute to … I don’t know, 125 beats a minute, give or take a beat, I broke out in a sweat, and trembled all over. If I had been the fainting kind I would have been flat on the floor.

It all happened so innocently. My son was browsing the Net and came across a metal structure in Ottawa of a big black spider. A man was posing underneath the structure to show the huge height and width of the spider, which I estimate at about 10 meters high and wide (32 feet).

I remembered seeing a similar spider in Sydney, Australia. That is to say, I didn’t actually see it, I looked it up online.

I was reading ‘Origin’ by Dan Brown at the time and whenever the author made reference to a specific place or item, I went online and Googled it.

At the time I typed in the search bar ‘Metal structure of spider in Sydney’ and within seconds I was presented with images of said spider so I knew exactly what Dan Brown was referring to.

To show my son a comparison of the Sydney spider to the Ottawa spider, I once again went online, typed in Google’s search bar ‘Structure of spider in Sydney’, and hit enter.

OMG, what a mistake that was. Instead of the metal spider structure in Sydney, my screen was filled with huge spiders. And I do mean HUGE ones. These were no ordinary spiders that one could kill with a shoe, these things one would have to shoot (with a bazooka or something).

People who like spiders or who are not afraid of them might think me cruel, but I hate the bloody things. More so, I am a first-rate sufferer of arachnophobia.

As such, when I saw my screen filled with the eight-legged monsters, I screamed and my computer went flying. As mentioned earlier my heart was in my throat, my heart raced, and it felt like my blood was boiling.

My son came to the rescue. He doesn’t like spiders either, but he’s not as horrified of them as I am.

It took minutes for my heart rate to return to normal and once it was, I wondered what was wrong with Google. I hadn’t asked to see live spiders; I had clearly specified the ‘structure ‘of spiders in Sydney’. The word ‘structure’ clearly indicates that I’m looking for something man-made.

Who creates these beasts anyway? I can understand that artists create a statue of a horse, a bull, a lion, or even a dolphin, but a spider!?

Most people are afraid of spiders, so why place one in the middle of a town square or sidewalk? Does the creator want to give us a heart attack?

Two things are for very sure.
One … Google can’t be trusted. From now on, I’ll be very careful what I research online.

Two … From what I read online, Australia is home to over 10,000 species of spiders. Safe to say, I am NEVER going there. You couldn’t pay me to go to Australia.

Are you afraid of a spider?

I nearly suffered a heart attack this morning

There I was, checking updates on a popular social media site on my phone. Alex shared a little something from her garden, Grace posted a political comment, Noreen showed a beautiful cat moment. I casually scrolled down when suddenly … EEEIH !!! (loud scream) there was a picture, posted by Lisa B, of an ugly spider (is there such a thing as a beautiful spider?).

My phone went flying, literally. I got such a fright of seeing this ugly monster and was so disgusted by it, that I threw the phone away from me as far as I could. Fortunately, it went sailing in the direction of the sofa where it landed with a soft thud. And I wondered … why do people do this? The majority of folks are afraid of spiders, so why post pictures of them?

Anyway, along with the picture, Lisa B. posted the question if anybody knew what kind of spider this was. And I thought … WHO CARES? Whether it’s a little spider or a big spider, I hate them, I hate them all. Whether I see a real one or just a picture, my heart skips one or several beats.

I do realize that spiders play an important role in nature, and if I see one outside I wouldn’t harm it in any way, but if a spider dares to set one or all of its eight legs in my house … it’s toast.

As such, in my opinion, there are only two ways to deal with a spider … squash it, or suck it up with a vacuum cleaner. Not that I perform either of these options myself. When I see a spider, I scream, run away, and let someone else take care of the monster.

Some might say that there is another option … treating the spider to an anti-bug spray. All I can say about that is … it doesn’t work. Bug spray might work on ants and other little critters, but spiders … they just pretend to be dead.

Many years ago I came across a spider on the kitchen floor. Since I was home alone I realized I had to do something before the spider took off to a place where we’d never find it. So after I had recovered from the initial shock, I grabbed a can of bug repellent and sprayed so much on the spider I nearly gassed myself.

The spider lay there, curled up in a ball. Now all I had to do was get the dustpan and a brush, sweep up the body and get rid of it. Could I do that? No, I couldn’t. I tried, I honestly tried but I couldn’t bring myself to brushing op the black ball.

And then I got an idea … I would vacuum it up. With a vacuum I wouldn’t have to go near the spider, I could use the long metal hose and do the deed from a safe distance.

Off I went to get the vacuum cleaner, plugged in it, and dragged the machine into the kitchen. Much to my surprise to spider was gone. The bloody thing had bided its time for me to leave the room, unfolded its legs, and ran off.

For days I looked for the spider, but it seemed to have disappeared. As such, I can only assume that it went outside for some fresh air. Which was fine by me. Outside is where spiders belong.

Which also leaves me wondering about their Creator. If He can create animals so cute and adorable like kittens, puppies, and bunnies, why make spiders so frightening? A sense of humor perhaps?