For some people, it’s easy to find love. They hook up with their high school sweetheart, they meet someone while at university, or during a chance encounter they just click. For other people, it’s not so easy. They look for love in all the wrong places and time after time get disappointed. And then there are those who settle. They don’t fall in love, they never feel that all-consuming passion, they meet someone nice who they are comfortable with and they stay together.
Which relationship has the best chance of surviving?
Couple number one
Betsy and Robert were madly in love. She was beautiful with long, straight raven black hair. He was average-looking. When I first met Robert, I took one look at him and knew he was trouble. I didn’t say anything because what could I say … I’m getting a bad vibe from him. Betsy would have declared me nuts. I was right though. In the first year of their marriage, he forced her to give up her job. In the second year, she expected a baby. In the third year another baby. In the fourth year, the abuse began. Betsy was trapped. With two kids and no job, she had nowhere to go.
Couple number two
Adeline and Tony were an exquisite couple. She was a stunning blonde, he was an attractive guy. They loved each other dearly, anyone could see that, but Adeline was superior to Tony. She had looks, she had brains, a well-paying job, and her own condo. Tony had none of these. While the first year of their marriage was fine, in the second year signs of discontentment became apparent. Tony felt inferior and no matter what Adeline said, she couldn’t convince him that to her they were on equal terms. They are on the verge of splitting up.
Couple number three
Collette and Brian got married in their thirties. Both had relationships but none of them had worked out. Both had given up on finding ‘the one’. When Collette and Brian met there was none of that hearts on fire, they liked each other and got on well, but there was no passion. After six years of marriage, they are doing remarkably well. They admit that their relationship doesn’t have any particular highs and lows, but rather an even satisfying balance.
It seems to me that out of these three couples, Collette and Brian have got it right. While it’s nice to fall head over heels in love, and having a passionate relationship, those feelings usually don’t last. Strong feelings bring on strong emotions such as jealousy, possessiveness, and often violence.
Even if all goes well for a couple, sooner or later that all-consuming passion dies down and they settle into a more calm relationship. It would appear that those who make a commitment with their head and not with their heart stand a better chance of succeeding. Age certainly plays a part in choosing a partner. The very young place value on looks and passion, while the slightly older look for character traits and compatibility. Mature people invariably have their act together. They have a stable job with a good salary, savings, property, and know their worth.
All in all, it would seem that choosing friendship and respect trumps love.